How to become more honest and say the things you want to say with the only two people you’ve ever been honest with in high school during a winter break coffee shop reunion

How to become more honest and say the things you want to say with the only two people you’ve ever been honest with in high school during a winter break coffee shop reunion. 

We’ve grown in our own separate spheres, now, in new places and spaces where we don’t have to be friends anymore. We all value each other’s presence, but what are we supposed to be to one another? 

Do [obligatory] formalities take precedence over acting "the same" way as before? How am I supposed to do that? What if I’ve changed and they haven’t, and now, am I supposed to give them advice with this newfound knowledge, but it still feels like they know all of me and the mechanisms to how I’ve changed, so what else is there to say? Only respond to a question that wasn't asked aloud, “Be more honest.” 

Things I will ask about:

Do you like the person you’re becoming

Why do you feel the need to look at baby pictures of yourself

Who is the most striking in college

Is there anyone you’ve realized you’ve missed

How do you feel different do you want to be different

Is it weird to be back? To me everything feels the same and normal

Is there anyone you wanna be like

Are you afraid of changing

Are you afraid of staying the same

I keep thinking about what I’m supposed to say/how I’m being perceived

Do you guys eat lunch alone

I’ve only cried twice at college in the first month and both times were over the phone with my dad when I was stressed about 1) a calculus class (which I switched) and 2) orchestra (which I quit) – I told one of my sophomore friends about how I think I’m suppressing emotions because I haven’t cried and she said, “I don’t think you need to cry to ‘let it all out.’” Those are two different things but I’m confused. 

Can I read your writing

Can I read your poetry

Can you send me random questions weekly or whenever they come to mind

Do you think everything needs a response

How are we supposed to know when/whether to respond or not

I feel really stupid a lot of times but don’t really care

I don’t think I really care a lot of times

Do you think you’re becoming Jean Paul Sartre (i’m thinking of that cover photo on his book that’s colorful and he has an eyeglass and a hat or maybe that’s not him)

Do you feel like you’re waiting for something

I hope I didn’t peak in high school because I didn’t even peak in high school

I guess I’m scared I’ve changed and it’s weird to you guys

I’ve spoken about you guys to other people and to my first year seminar professor because I think you’re pretty special. 

Some people think I’m vegan

I really like sports now. (you should read the inner game of tennis –it’s kinda about the unconscious conscious mind)

I have like 10 older brothers in college

I felt really boring in high school

I like the person I am with you guys but I wonder if I’m different too now. 

12/19/2024